In January 2008, I was officially diagnosed with a circadian rhythm disorder, specifically delayed-sleep type. My body naturally wants to sleep from about 4am until about 12:30pm, so this didn’t come as a surprise to me, given all the research I’d done before seeing the doctor. He did a physical, took my family history, asked questions about my sleep, my history of depression, etc.

During my appointment, while explaining CRDs to me, the doctor said:

Your body lives here in Philadelphia but your circadian rhythms tell you it’s Los Angeles. Your sleep is normal. This is a disorder only because society says you shouldn’t sleep at your normal time.

When he said those words to me, I felt a wave of relief come all over me. Finally! Someone understands me! This is a real thing! What vindication.

The doctor had several options for treatment, but said the most effective would be sleeping on my body’s schedule and planning my life around that. The surprise came with how easy that was! I explained the diagnosis to my supervisor at work, who talked to his supervisor, who got the proper forms from HR to change my work schedule from 9am to 5pm to a more convenient (for me) noon to 8pm.

(This change was done with the kindness of my company, as part of their “flexible work” policies. It was not done with any ADA compliancy in mind.)

However, I now find myself in a new state with a new amazing job. Sadly, the hours at this office are 10am to 6pm, but I’ve also got a two-hour commute to and from work each day. I’ve been leaving my house shortly after 8am and I often don’t get home until 8pm.

Needless to say, my sleep patterns are all out of whack. Because of my CRD, I am very rarely asleep before midnight, often not falling asleep until 1am. I’m now falling back into the habit of sleeping through my 7:30am alarm each morning. I’m cranky, fatigued, easily distracted, irritable, apathetic, quick to anger, unable to concentrate, and overall generally blue. My body aches, I suffer from almost-daily headaches, I’ve got an eye tic, and I’m having the weirdest food cravings.

So, yeah: all the signs of sleep deprivation.

After going to sleep at 8:30pm last night, but still being unable to get out of bed this morning at 7:30am, I decided I’ve had enough. I started this job with the best feeling in the world, and it’s only taken two months for me to go back to “the old Andrea”. The one I wouldn’t be friends with.

This morning, as soon as I got into the office, I began the task of making an appointment with a sleep specialist. I called Johns Hopkins Sleep Center, who gave me the information I needed to have my previous sleep study records sent over to them. Once the doctors there review my files, I’ll go in for an appointment, armed with my sleep logs and blogs.

In the meantime, I’ll still have to suffer the early morning, the little sleep, and the long commute, but it will be so worth it if someone can help me.

Most nights during high school I would be awake until 2- or 3am. In this time I would finish calculus homework, read non-required books, sketch or paint, or write short stories. I learned to do all these activities with a book light or night light, as my parents would yell at me to sleep if they woke up in the night to pee and noticed my bedroom lights still burning bright.

In college I took a painting course and came away with a love for acrylic—I never could get the hang of oil. More sketchbooks were filled. I submitted a couple drawings to the literary magazine. Late into the night I would listen to the radio and my cassettes, writing articles for the newspaper, of which I was an entertainment editor.

Weekends were wonderful in the spring of 1997 because I found an activity that seemed perfectly timed for me: a local theater showing Rocky Horror Picture Show with a live cast. Most Sunday mornings I would arrive back at the dorms around 4am and immediately fall asleep, snoozing soundly until lunch.

All of these things have ceased, or have become so dramatically sporadic that people are surprised when I present a piece of art. “You did that?” they exclaim, “I didn’t know you could draw.”

I can’t remember the last time I picked up a pencil and made an impression in my sketchbook. Fictional worlds and characters lie undeveloped in my head, when they should be on paper—or in this electronic age, stored on my thumb drive. I miss writing and drawing… for the beauty of creating something from nothing, taking a blank page, performing some magical acts, and leaving with awesomeness.

Lately, knitting has filled this void in me. Some yarn, a few needles, a pattern, and in a week (or a month or a couple hours, in some cases) there’s this item that wasn’t there before! As much as I love knitting, though, it’s not the same.

I’ve since noticed the drop of creativity coincided with my stretch of steady employment starting in June 2000. Since then, I’ve worked with just a two-month unemployment break last winter. The number of creative pieces I’ve produced since then?

Just two: this and this, both, I believe, worked late at night while my husband slept.

Is there a direct relation between my lack of creativity and my conforming to a “lark lifestyle”? Maybe. Perhaps. Probably? I’ll be searching the internet for blogs or articles, hoping to run across a similar experience.

12am: Tossing and turning… I think I’m asleep, but not really. What time is it again?

3.30am: ok this time I am really actually asleep.

8am: the alarms sound off—I sleep through them.

9.30am: I hate my sleep schedule. I want to roll over but I get out of bed instead.

11am: cinnamon roll oatmeal with a can of coke makes an excellent breakfast.

2.30pm: raisins! I forgot I had those!

6.30pm: I’m missing knit night… I console myself with more coke.

10pm: oh boy! Leftover pizza!

2am: my brother and I finally stop giggling long enough for me to get into bed.

2.30am: I’m asleep, even though he’s still on my computer.

9am: who let the dog into my room?

10.30am: all right, I’m a bit hungry, let’s go downstairs.

11am: breakfast! Eggs with cheese and veggie bacon.

3pm: Cloverfield is awesome! Of course I have popcorn and a coke while watching this.

5.30pm: I’ll have a coffee with cream and sugar, thanks.

6.30pm: oh man, I do so love those cheese fries at Nifty Fifty’s.

11pm: I feel sleepy… I might as well get into bed.

1am: I get into bed, feeling quite sleepy.

1.30am: I fall asleep for the first time.

3am: I wake up for the first time, and every half hour until…

10am: forget this, I’m getting out of bed, finally.

10.30am: the alarm clock goes off. Oh yeah, I’d set it last night!

2pm: Party at my house! I pour some root beer and wait for people to arrive.

3pm: Jamie brought the cupcakes. I’m making cookies now.

4pm: oh yeah, the pizza’s here!

6pm: another cupcake, please!

9pm: these vegan cookies are really good, if I do say so myself.

2am: it’s time to put this sock down and get to bed.

2.30am: I fall asleep thinking about knitting socks.

11.30am: I like waking up whenever I’m not sleepy anymore. I grab a quick oatmeal snack.

2pm: all you can eat pancakes at IHOP? I’ll have coffee with that, please.

8pm: it’s way to smoky at the bar, I need to get out of here.

9pm: another bar! My friend and I order some drinks with french fries. I have a baybreeze.

11pm: no more drinks for me, thanks. Time to head home!

1am: Bedtime!

1.30am: Sleepytime!

8am: the alarms sound off—I sleep through them.

9.30am: ugh, all right, I’m out of bed.

2pm: I quite enjoy egg-and-cheese sandwiches. I also have some hot chocolate.

3.30pm: oh man, Bonte waffles are so freakin’ awesome.

5.30pm: I meet up with some other metbloggers at National Mechanics for grilled cheese, tomato soup, and coke. So good.

12am: I get into bed pretty early tonight!

12.30am: Sleepytime overcomes me.

8am: the alarms sound off—I sleep through them.

9am: Up, up, up!

11am: Breakfast equals oatmeal and coke.

12.30pm: I’m at Borders anyway, I might as well grab coffee and a sandwich at the cafe.

4.30pm: I’d rather have the salsa tortilla Combos, but the machine denies me. Cheese pretzel is it!

8.30pm: Sweet potato casserole for dinner? Oh yeah, that’s good stuff.

3.30am: in bed and asleep in no time

8am: the alarms sound off—I sleep through them.

9.30am: out of bed and out the door!

11am: I need a cold beverage… can of coke, please.

12pm: Pizza is here!

8pm: I decide to try the GimmeLean ground-beef style in some mac’n cheese. Hey, that’s pretty good!

(All slog entries begin at 12:00am and end at 11:59pm on that date, documenting sleep on- and offset times, plus any food, caffeine, or alcohol consumption.)

3am: in bed and asleep in no time

8am: the alarms sound off—I sleep through them.

9.30am: out of bed and out the door!

11am: I grab some oatmeal and large hot chocolate.

1pm: grilled cheese and a pretzel at the food carts costs only $2!

6pm: Knit night! I order a latte with almond syrup and a grilled PB&J with banana and honey.